new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
