i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
