So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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