I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
