Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize