I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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