i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
