I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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