Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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