I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have fence marks all over my body
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
