I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
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I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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