look no pants
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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