....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
