Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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