I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
