I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
