He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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