Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
