i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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