I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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