So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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