hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
