wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
