I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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