What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The adults are the big ones right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
