So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this just has baby written all over it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
