i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
