I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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