a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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