We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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