Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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