just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
operation have a gay friend backfired
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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