yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
