she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
