He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
