at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
