Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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