Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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