cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
