My hand turned me down
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
