...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
