omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sarcasm needs its own font
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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