I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
