Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
