the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize