Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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