i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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