he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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