don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
