We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
