so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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