I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
