he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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