sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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