U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
