I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
