he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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