I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
