This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
